


Did You See Me In Hell?

by QuestioningKate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s09e13 The Purge, mild Destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-07 23:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1918461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuestioningKate/pseuds/QuestioningKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean contemplates his time in Hell while Cas tries to convince Dean to forgive himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did You See Me In Hell?

**Author's Note:**

> This happened when I was sleep-deprived a few days ago. Now I'm sleep-deprived again, so I edited the story and posted it.

Dean is driving on a therapeutic highway in a random city. The smell of leather and tar clear his mind until after a while, it wanders back to what Sam said a few weeks ago. Yes, they were talking to each other, but not in the way he would have liked; not like they had spent their entire lives protecting each other.

Castiel also happened to be in the car with him, after requesting to come. Finally, when Dean's thoughts had overtaken him, he spoke with a sour smile on his face, "Sam has a pretty good reason not to forgive me. I mean, I don't even really know why he let me come back in the first place."

Dean's hands tightened on the steering wheel while his eyes stayed glued to the yellow-lined lane.

"Dean, you think too lowly of yourself. It seems you do not know how capable you are like I do. If you could see, objectively, your morals and intentions, you would understand why I put so much faith you."

"Did you see me in Hell, Cas? Did you see what I did?!"

Castiel is silent for a moment contemplating his next words while his head takes on a bird-like tilt. "Yes Dean, I did."

"Then you know I can't ever be forgiven. You know I can't even _ask_  for something as merciful as that."

Castiel looked at the side of Dean's face, eyes intent.

"Dean, I think that _because_  of Hell you should be forgiven. Yes, I saw what you did, but I also saw how desperately you wanted to repent when I first came to you. Not to mention how your soul still shined through everything you'd done."

"How is that even possible? You saw me cut into the woman who sold her soul for the life of her baby. The man who only wanted his family to keep from starving. You have to know I can't even have anything _resembling_ a bright soul!"

Dean looked over at Cas and saw him staring back.

"You are wrong, Dean. Those people knew what they were getting into. Just like you knew what would happen when you gave your life for Sam's."

Dean shook his head and flashed a bitter smile.

"No, Cas, I didn't know. The things they did to me..... Do you know what Sam said when he found out that I remembered? He asked me if I was raped. Cas, that's not even in the _ballpark_ of what happened to me; of what I did. Sam asked about of the most terrible things he could think of, and I did even worse to the other souls. So tell me Cas, how can I be forgiven?"

Castiel seemed to gaze deep inside Dean's very essence, "Dean, you already have been forgiven by everyone but yourself. Think of how many people you have saved, myself being one of them. Without you, I would be an angel lost and confused on Earth. I wouldn't know compassion. I wouldn't know love."

Dean examined his passenger for a moment then pulled off to a dirt pathway and parked his car.

"Is there something you're trying to say, Cas?"

Castiel returned Dean's gaze.

"Yes, there is. I thought you knew when I saved you and marked you. I thought you knew when I gave up everything for you. This whole time, I have been incorrect: you didn't know. So I will tell you now. Dean Winchester, I love you, despite whether or not you believe you deserve it."

Dean's jaw dropped. He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He just leaned across the leather seat and collided his lips with Cas'. When the two broke for air, Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel interrupted him with a simple, "I know."


End file.
